Everyone keeps a few secrets from a husband or wife, boyfriend and girlfriend. And people keep their secrets for a lot of reasons. Often people are embarrassed or they are fearful of a partner’s hostility or possible rejection.
And research shows that it is in one’s best interest to keep some things private, especially when partners or spouses are likely to respond poorly to the truth. Being rejected, scorned, or stigmatized does not help any one work through a serious issue.
But, keeping secrets can also be harmful.
Keeping secrets often prevents people from dealing with the problem at hand. Keeping secrets leads to increased stress, anxiety, and it often makes people think about the issue (event or topic) more frequently.
For instance, people who have a secret crush on someone often dwell on their feelings more than people who are able to talk about their feelings out in the open. More often than not, keeping something secret makes it seem more important than it really is.
Likewise, revealing secrets is very helpful when it is done right; that is, in a safe, non-judgmental environment. Revealing secrets can reduce stress, it helps people let go of an issue and think about it more clearly.
If a secret is bothering you, it really does help to get it out - as long people don’t respond negatively or use the information against you.
In fact, research shows that the simple task of writing down a secret, even if no one ever reads it, makes people feel better. Writing a secret down reduces stress - it is cathartic.
With this in mind, we have created a place where people can anonymously reveal the secrets they keep. Maybe you will find that letting go of one of your own secrets is helpful and not so embarrassing after all.
Article by Timothy Cole, PhD. Take a look at the secrets people keep from their romantic partners at www.truthaboutdeception.com
There are many people in the world who have problems with their communication. In this article I concentrate on the specific speech impediment called stuttering.
Why do people stutter?
There are many reasons people may develop a stuttering problem:
A traumatic event such as the loss of a relative
Someone in the family such as a parent may have had a stutter
The person who has a stutter may have copied a friend at say school who has a stutter and then it has resulted in them also stuttering
An over aggressive relative telling the person to spit their words out etc.
A while ago I had a female client who told me how she had developed a stutter. She was fluent until the age of twenty four. At this age she became pregnant for the first time, she was very happy and excited about the prospects about becoming a mother.
She was apprehensive about the birth and her friends had been winding her up telling her how painful the experience is. She knew that they were only teasing and tried to keep relaxed.
The day of the birth arrived and unfortunately the delivery was particulary hard and she was extremely shocked about how bad it actually was. After the birth of the baby, who was a healthy boy she developed the stutter.
Not all people who stutter have it from an early age, another one of my clients was fluent until the age of nineteen. At this age he had a car crash and this was the trigger to him starting to stutter.
Stephen Hill
Stephen Hill runs a speech centre in Birmingham, England. He has a number of websites including:
Kvetching is the Yiddish word for complaining, hand to the forehead, why is this happening to me, complaining, griping, and mental misery. In marketing it’s always time for us to take a serious look at how our attitude affects our business. Studies show that you become the words you speak, and that the difference between people who succeed and those who fail is their ATTITUDE. For just one day, try to rid yourself of kvetching.
1. Pay attention to your thoughts. Mindfulness is being highly aware of what you are thinking at all times. It’s not easy to do, but with practice, you can master it. By being mindful, you will begin to notice how many of your thoughts are positive or negative. Each time you find yourself thinking something negative, you need to stop and replace it with another, higher quality thought. What you think about, you attract. Pay attention to what you’re doing with your mind. If you wish to attract better, you need to think better. For one day, eradicate negative thoughts from your life.
2. Look for the positive in everything. Some people might think this Pollyanna. But, the truth is that we make our lives what they are. We are the sum total of our thoughts and actions. The wonderful thing about life is that we always have a choice - no matter how much we might not believe this or see it in the moment. We can always find the bad in things or we can live from a higher place and seek out the positive. Why pick the dark side when you can walk in the light? For one day, find the positive in everything, no matter what.
3. Avoid negative talk. What we say, flows from what we think. When we start verbalizing our negativity this is when we really start to “pollute” our life and that of others. Life is hard enough, why waste it talking about negative things. The more you do the less you’ll attract people and opportunities. No one is interested in your problems as much as you are. As the saying goes, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. This way, you’ll avoid re-enforcing any negative thoughts you might be having and the people around you will welcome the break from your intruding on their peace of mind. Just for one day, avoid saying anything negative. Speak only about positive things or say nothing at all.
4. Focus on productive things. Nothing can be accomplished by focusing on negative things. Negativity is all about stopping things, blockages, inaction, and being stuck. It will never lead you towards accomplishing the goals that underlie your vision. By focusing on productive things, you will be acting from a place of control, actively creating the reality you desire. Productive things are things that fulfill your goals. They are things that you can take charge of and direct. And, they are the stepping-stones that lead to accomplishment, success, and happiness. For one day, participate only in productive activities.
5. Take action. When you’re in action, you just don’t have the time, energy, or inclination to complain about what is going on around you. Your mind, body, and spirit are actively engaged in productive activities oriented towards achieving desired outcomes. In fact, if you find yourself in a negative frame of mind, taking any type of action is the quickest way to pull yourself out of your funk. Negative thinking tends to focus on the past, what could have been, and what you should have done. Action puts you in a more positive mode. When you take action, your mind is focused on the future, looking forward to results, accomplishment and success. For one day, take three actions towards accomplishing a selected goal.
6. Get clear. Often times, mental misery stems from chaotic thinking. Chaotic thinking is thinking that jumps all over the place, with no rhyme or reason. It often stems from having a poorly defined personal foundation or philosophy of life. When we have a clear sense of who we are, what we believe in, and what we stand for, we have a framework from which to operate our lives. With a strong foundation, the thoughts and experiences we have then have a place to “land”. Based upon our framework, we are able to make sense of them and develop meaning from them. When we are without a solid personal foundation, everything in life seems chaotic and nonsensical. We don’t get it, we don’t understand, and frustration and anger are the results. By strengthening our inner core, we can better make sense of who we are and the world we live in. For one day, try to create a more clear understanding of something you are dealing with in your life.
7. Find resources and people, and get involved. Sometimes we find ourselves feeling miserable because we are operating from a place of isolation. We need to engage other resources and people to change how we feel. We can read interesting books. We can consult others or make new friends. We can try new ways of doing things. By engaging more fully in what life has to offer, we can get our minds off of ourselves and our problems and looking outward instead of inward. When we get engaged in life, we start appreciating how magnificent it really is. We focus our attention and intentions on service to others instead of focusing on our self and our ego. For one day, think about how you can get more involved in some aspect of your life and take one action in that direction.
8. Find better things to do. Our misery is often rooted in the activities in which we engage. We might not enjoy our commute to work, the types of work we do, doing dishes, or dealing with the same people who annoy us. If we find better things to do or different ways of doing the things we are currently engaged in, quite often we are able to change how we feel. For one day, think about how you might change one thing you do to make it more enjoyable. For example, we can take a different route to work or listen to books-on-tape to make our commuting more fun. We can use paper plates and plastic ware when we would like to avoid doing lots of dishes, or we can stand up for who we are and let the annoying people in our lives know that they need to change their attitude with us or leave the situation. We are responsible for our own happiness. We must make it happen.
9. Change your environment and you life will change. We are involved in all sorts of environments - communities, ideas, organizations, physical, mental, spiritual. If we change the types of environments in which we are involved, we will automatically change our thoughts and, thus, our life. Even simple changes in our physical environment, like filing paperwork, straightening up our desk, and aligning our books on the bookshelf can have a tremendous soothing effect on our mind. For one day, make several changes in your physical environment and notice the difference it makes in terms of your thoughts and emotions. You may then decide to tackle other environments and see what happens from there.
10. Get feedback from others. Often times we don’t realize how horrible our attitude is until someone tells us. We are too close to the problem and not living from a place of higher awareness to realize that we complain about everything, look on the dark side, or never appreciate or express gratitude. If you want to know how you appear to the world, get feedback from others. Find out what you’re complaining about, how often, and also how annoying that behavior is to others. Believe me, others can readily tell you how you act because they are experiencing you and your attitude first hand. Try to deal with their comments objectively. This valuable feedback can help you realize the impact that you are having on others and the environment. And, hopefully, this will empower you to make some changes to improve your attitude and, likewise, will create positive results for others as well. For one day, ask for feedback about your behavior and make an effort to improve upon it. What you do and think affects everyone; you have a responsibility to yourself and to others to do what is right and best at all times.
Alicia Smith is a Coach and Trainer whose specialty is helping coaches to Make Money Now. This article is derived from just one of the 90 lessons contained in her e-course, 90-Day Marketing Marathon. To learn more about that course and her other products and services, please visit the following sites. (You also can email her at alicia@aliciasmith.com.) www.90DayMarketingMarathon.com www.discninja.com www.InternetAssessments.com
“I’ve waited so long for love to come into my life, yet now that it’s here, I’m depressed. I can’t figure this out,” complained Elayne in one of our phone counseling sessions. “Todd is really terrific. He’s all I’ve been wanting in a man - open, caring, and emotionally available. I really think there is something wrong with me.”
“When did you start to feel depressed?” I asked.
“Well, I think it started last week right after we spent a wonderful weekend together.”
“What happened after the weekend?”
“It was Sunday evening. We had just come back from an early dinner, and Todd wanted to watch a movie with me on TV. I told him that I wanted to go to the gym because I hadn’t worked out in a few days. He sounded disappointed in not watching the movie with me, so I didn’t go to the gym. I stayed and watched the movie with him because I didn’t want him to feel hurt and rejected.”
“And that’s when you started to feel depressed?”
“Yes. Can it really be because I didn’t go to the gym?”
“Well,” I said, “It’s not exactly because you didn’t go to the gym. You probably enjoyed watching the movie with him, right?”
“Right! A part of me did want to watch the movie with him, because I do love being with him. That’s why I can’t figure this out.”
“Elayne, I think that the problem is that you make Todd’s feelings and needs more important than your feelings and needs. You gave yourself up to Todd out of fear of his upset feelings. I don’t think you would have been depressed if you had decided that you really wanted to watch the movie with Todd more than you wanted to go to the gym. But it doesn’t sound like you took the time to go inside to see what you really wanted. What were you afraid would have happened if you had gone to the gym?”
“I was afraid that he would be angry at me and withdraw from me.”
“So you were willing to lose yourself rather than risk losing him, is that right?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I did.”
“So controlling his feelings and behavior was more important than taking loving care of yourself?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I didn’t realize that I was trying to control him by not going to the gym, but I can see that that is exactly what I was doing.”
“So, imagine that your feelings and needs are a child within you, and Todd’s feelings and needs are a child within him. If you put aside your child to take care of his child, how is your child going to feel?”
“Oh, I see! I feel depressed because I gave myself up and put my child aside to take care of his child! Wow, this relationship stuff is hard! I also feel trapped and resentful, like Todd is somehow not letting me do what I want to do. And as soon as I didn’t go to the gym, which is what I really wanted to do, I didn’t feel very attracted to him.”
“Right. And Todd may have been trying to control you with his disappointment. Has he felt rejected and hurt in the past when you didn’t do what he wanted?’
“Yes, he does this sometimes. I hate it when he feels like that. Now I can see that he is trying to control me with his hurt, and I’m trying to control him by giving myself up. I can also see that this is not going to work well.”
Elayne decided to talk with Todd about what she had learned. Fortunately, Todd was very open to understanding his own behavior as well as Elayne’s. Elayne made the decision to risk letting go of responsibility for Todd’s feelings and take responsibility for her own feelings and needs. Elayne’s depression quickly vanished as she started to take loving care of herself.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You” and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions.
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A reader of my articles wrote to me about the article I wrote entitled, “Why do People Lie?” He said that he would be “very interested in a similar article with examples about all the lying that women do….At least in the initial stages of dating, women lie sooooo much.”
Well, being a woman, I’m not as aware of how much women lie on dates as I am of how much men lie on dates. So I decided to write about date lying in general.
The man who wrote to me was upset about lies such as “I have to go,” or “I’m busy,” or “I’m on another call right now. I’ll call you back.” He states that “I think that much of this is women’s very misguided attempt to ’spare someone’s feelings.’ Reject them, without actually rejecting them.”
I think this is accurate. Women have been trained to not hurt men’s feelings. They have been taught that if the truth will hurt, then tell a “white lie.” And, when they do tell the truth, it is often in a harsh or critical way.
I’ve often counseled women, who don’t want to date a particular man, to say things like, “I don’t feel romantic toward you,” or “There doesn’t seem to be chemistry between us,” or “I’m not feeling a connection with you.” One of my clients told a man who called her for a first date, “Your energy does not feel respectful toward me. I’m not drawn to meet you because of this.” He was open to what she was saying and they ended up having a good conversation. He was appreciative of her truth, and she ended up going out with him.
Since men are usually the ones doing the calling, they are not as often put in the position of say no. My experience is that men often lie too, but in different ways. For example, a client of mine, a psychotherapist, dated a man who told her he was in therapy. She was pleased to hear this, as personal growth was very important to her. She later discovered that he was in therapy because the court had mandated it due to him having punched his ex-wife in the stomach while she was pregnant. She found this out through the ex-wife. His avoidance of the truth was an attempt to impress her and control how she felt about him.
Men often “lie” by coming on strong, calling a lot, sending flowers - trying to impress a woman. Then once the woman is “hooked”, the attention falls away. The giving wasn’t his normal way of being - he was giving to get. It is well known that many men know exactly what to say to a woman to melt her heart. A man at one of my 5-day intensive workshops, who was married but was addicted to being with other women, revealed how easy it was for him to hook women in, even when they knew he was married. “Women desperately want to be seen and understood. All I have to do is reflect back to the woman the things she wants to hear and I’ve got her. I can see her caring, her intelligence, her creativity, her joy of life, her beauty. I can see what she has to offer that has been squashed down. When I see these things in her, she falls in love with me.” Some of the women in the intensive were drawn to him, even knowing that he was sucking them in! The lie was not what he was saying to them about themselves - it was that he covertly implied that he would be available to continue to see, love, nurture and support them, when in reality he had no intention of continuing to do so.
Date lying of many kinds is common for both men and women. Generally, neither men nor women want to “hurt” another person with the truth of how they feel. Both men and woman can turn on the charm at the beginning and seem to be giving and caring, only to turn out to be using the other for their own neediness.
What is the way out of being at the other end of lies? Stay tuned into your own intuition. Speak your truth. Learn to give yourself the approval and attention that you are trying to get from another, so that you are not so vulnerable to others’ approval. And, don’t take it personally when someone does lie to you. Their lie is more about them than it is about you.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or margaret@innerbonding.com.
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In the years between Braveheart and The Passion Of The Christ, Mel Gibson created The Patriot - a big screen portrayal of the American Revolution against the British crown. Nominated for three Academy Awards, and including a brilliant original soundtrack composed by John Williams, The Patriot is an excellent illustration of the historical roots of American representative government. Mel Gibson stars in the lead role with his usual charismatic screen presence. In essence, this is Braveheart in the foothills of South Carolina, and Gibson’s fans will not be disappointed…
The year is 1776, and in a small South Carolina town, farmer Benjamin Martin (Mel Gibson) is disheartened to hear of the impending American rebellion against England. A veteran of the French and Indian War, Martin is well aware of the horrors associated with armed conflict. He prefers the safety and tranquility of farm life and encourages his family to do the same. But when his eldest son Gabriel (Heath Ledger) joins the revolution, British redcoats arrive on Martin land and threaten the entire family. When one of Benjamin’s younger sons attempts to help his brother, the sadistic British officer William Tavington (Jason Isaacs) cuts him down. The murder of his son inflames the passions of Benjamin Martin who changes his mind about fighting and enlists in the local militia. Hunting down British army officers with the stealth actions of a wild animal, Martin employs guerilla tactics and superior knowledge of the land in order to level the playing field against the world’s greatest army…
As British General Cornwallis moves his troops into the South Carolina area, Martin leads a band of militiamen who successfully sabotage British supplies, bomb British ships anchored in Charleston, and pluck off redcoats one-by-one. Fighting side by side with his eldest son, Martin hopes to hold off the British advance long enough to receive aid from the French. He also hopes to avenge the murder of his son and give birth to a new nation. But another chance encounter with Tavington results in Gabriel’s death on the battlefield.
As the American Revolution gains ground against the British forces, Martin engages in a series of bloody conflicts - one of which leads to the inevitable showdown between himself and Tavington, the man who murdered his sons…
Released in late June of 2000, just a few days before Independence Day, The Patriot is a well-written, action packed foray into the world of Colonial rebellion. Its stunning portrayal of the American Revolution inspires every viewer who retains a modicum of patriotism for the American experiment, and the fight for freedom makes for a worthy subject. One of Mel Gibson’s best movies, The Patriot offers scene after scene of majestic landscapes, elegant soundtrack music, and an overall story dripping with action and suspense. If you loved Braveheart, then you’ll definitely enjoy The Patriot. Its similar depiction of an honorable and heroic figure fighting for the freedom of his countrymen makes The Patriot a must-see film for the ages…
About the Author
Britt Gillette is author of The DVD Report, a blog where you can find more reviews like this one of The Patriot (DVD).
The preeminent show of the 1990’s decade, Seinfeld grew from an idea of “a show about nothing” into a sacred pop culture icon, not that there’s anything wrong with that… The show follows the life of comedian Jerry Seinfeld and the exploits of his “short, quirky, bald guy” best friend, George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Jerry’s neurotic neighbor Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), and Jerry’s ex-girlfriend Elaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus). Through the years, they’re joined by a loveable cast of characters that includes Newman, Uncle Leo, the Soup Nazi, Frank and Estelle Costanza, the Bubble Boy, and countless others…
Following on the heels of Season 4, arguably the best season ever (with famous episodes such as The Bubble Boy, The Contest, The Pick, The Junior Mint, The Handicap Spot, and The Pilot), Season 5 offers its own case for Seinfeld immortality with episodes like The Puffy Shirt (a.k.a. The Pirate Shirt), The Stall (can you spare a square?), The Marine Biologist (or is it The Architect?), The Hamptons (there was significant shrinkage!), and The Opposite (George’s newfound religion)…
The Seinfeld (Season 5) DVD features a number of hilarious episodes including the season premiere “The Mango” in which Jerry discovers that Elaine “faked it” during the time they went out. Determined to redeem himself, he begs Elaine for another shot. Meanwhile, Kramer gets banned from his favorite fruit vendor when he attempts to return a bad peach… Other notable episodes from Season 5 include “The Hamptons” in which Jerry’s girlfriend accidentally sees George naked following his swim in a cold pool (which caused him to shrink like “a frightened turtle”), and “The Opposite” in which George decides that every decision he’s ever made in life was the wrong one, and from now on, he’ll do the exact opposite of what his instincts tell him to do…
Below is a list of episodes included on the Seinfeld (Season 5) DVD:
Episode 65 (The Mango) Air Date: 09-16-1993
Episode 66 (The Puffy Shirt) Air Date: 09-23-1993
Episode 67 (The Glasses) Air Date: 09-30-1993
Episode 68 (The Sniffing Accountant) Air Date: 10-07-1993
Episode 69 (The Bris) Air Date: 10-14-1993
Episode 70 (The Lip Reader) Air Date: 10-28-1993
Episode 71 (The Non-Fat Yogurt) Air Date: 11-04-1993
Episode 72 (The Barber) Air Date: 11-11-1993
Episode 73 (The Masseuse) Air Date: 11-18-1993
Episode 74 (The Cigar Store Indian) Air Date: 12-09-1993
Episode 75 (The Conversion) Air Date: 12-16-1993
Episode 76 (The Stall) Air Date: 01-06-1994
Episode 77 (The Dinner Party) Air Date: 02-03-1994
Episode 78 (The Marine Biologist) Air Date: 02-10-1994
Episode 79 (The Pie) Air Date: 02-17-1994
Episode 80 (The Stand-In) Air Date: 02-24-1994
Episode 81 (The Wife) Air Date: 03-17-1994
Episode 82 (The Raincoats: Part 1) Air Date: 04-28-1994
Episode 83 (The Raincoats: Part 2) Air Date: 04-28-1994
Episode 84 (The Fire) Air Date: 05-05-1994
Episode 85 (The Hamptons) Air Date: 05-12-1994
Episode 86 (The Opposite) Air Date: 05-19-1994
Britt Gillette is author of The DVD Report, a blog where you can find more reviews like this one of the Seinfeld (Season 5) DVD.
The solution to the problem of selling your house in times of recession is very simple. Adopt effective combination of energy and marketing strategies to sell home within a short span of a couple of weeks. Certain tips are provided to enable you to sell your home in the adverse times when UK propertyprices are diminishing at a tremendous rate.
Use the benefits of print media to publish creative advertisements of your proposal of selling the house. You can also take ideas from the advertisements provided by estate agents.
Providing new and fashionable accessories to the interior of the house creates an everlasting impression on the viewers. Replace the old and damaged items like windows, doors and fittings with perfect new ones. If the flooring has declined in quality, then immediately adopt new flooring. Remove the unwanted furniture to keep the area airy and spacious.
Kitchens and bathrooms gain special attention you should repair the shabby fittings and provide extra attention to the sources of ventilation.
Gardens can be re-designed by planting small plants and shrubs and leveling the grass and hedges, this enhances the beauty of the garden along with the house.
Appointing A1 brokers and paying them a reasonable premium will keep your biggest asset secure in the future. Apply these tips to sell your home.
